Despite the fact that I've worked as an Independent Label Relations Intern for iTunes, one of the most successfully marketed electronic media services in the world, potential employers have a hard time believing that I know how to write ad copy. This is my own fault, I suppose, since in my infinite wisdom as I was writing those new release blurbs and launch materials for the pan-European Metal genre page, it never occurred to me to email one of the aforementioned items to myself or to take a screenshot of one of my stylish and sophisticated works of genius live and in action. Such is life. The point of this recollection of a past foible is that I am sure that were I to receive gainful employment in the area of copywriting or copyediting, I would do an admirable job, but since I lack evidence, the job market quite often hangs me out to dry. Therefore, I propose a solution: playing pretend.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to flex that imagination muscle. What I'm going to do is write several pieces of short copy for fictional companies. What you're going to do (hopefully) is tell me whether or not after reading said short copy you feel quite convinced or if you're more, as good old Captain Barbossa would put it, "disinclined to acquiesce" to my request. Is that copacetic? I hope so.
Number One - Bob Jones Coffee
The sharp fragrance of fresh-ground beans. The warmth on your hands as you lift the steaming cup. If this says "morning" to you, then the best morning you could possibly find includes Bob Jones Coffee. Our delectable blends of the finest free-trade coffee beans from around the globe will stimulate your senses with their subtle scents, bold flavors, and distinctive finishes. Pick up a bag today at your nearest Trader Phil's or online at bobjonesbeans.com. Bob Jones Coffee: waking up the world, one cup at a time.
Number Two - Weird Bird Books
Challenging. An adjective referring to something that stimulates interest or provokes thought. Here at Weird Bird Books, we take this word seriously. Our authors are the mavericks, the free-thinkers, and the envelope pushers in their disciplines. We wouldn't have it any other way. If you've been searching for texts that will put you in dialogue with the most controversial, perspective-expanding subjects of our time, then look no further. You've found a home at Weird Bird Books. Check out our list of authors online at weirdbird.com and start flying against the wind.
Number Three - Riot! Promotions
Would you like a webpage that's targeted, relevant, and rockin'? How about a commercial that always stands up in the mosh pit? Riot! Promotions has got you covered. We bring the attitude, power, and passion of a rock concert to everything that we do. If your band or label is sick of seeing its sales get trampled, give us a call at 333-666-9999 or visit us at riotrox.com. We'll have you crowd surfing in no time.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading these blurbs as much as I enjoyed writing them. If anybody reading would like me to take a swing at composing some stunning verbiage for their honest-to-god-real-life company, I'd be absolutely champing at the bit to give it a try. Contact me via email if such an offer puts a spring in your step. Keep resonating, everyone.
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